Smell

I closed my eyes in search for happiness and what came out was a small wet burp tasting of fermented spices. I was suddenly struck by the familiarity of this taste. I recognized him well this smell, like an old friend. And he still knew me by name too.

Just like running into an old friend during the time of melancholy, i desperately rely on the ritual of recounting and validating sweet memories.

But the burp said nothing in words. He just slowly vaporized out my nose leaving a small but pungent remnants of him that lingered on the roof of my mouth.

i tried to lick him away and swallow him down but the pungency remained. I flooded him with spit and swallowed again, still there. He's teasing me. I was in no mood for teasing.

I opened my mouth just a little, enough to let a fly enter, enough to make small huffs and puffs. Huff and puff, huff and puff, huff and puff. I closed my mouth and eyes, exhaled through my nose, still i could taste him. I raised my fingers of my left hand up to my nostrils, he was all over my fingers too. He returned. Now ever so pungent, ever so fermented, ever so spicy.

I was still in the dark. And i was afraid to open my eyes. The taste now had become flesh I was afraid that he'd be there right in front of me, physically. But I know he wouldn't be there in flesh, i realized that'd be impossible. It's against the laws of logic, the laws of physics, the laws of men. I was a little relieved and comforted by those existential cushions. Cushions of men.

As i was opening my eyes his essence came back stronger and stronger. My mouth now tasted of old raw chicken juice. My fingers, of rotten lemon. My neck, stifled. Just as he did me once with his fingers. What kind of black magic does he possess? Has he come back to repossess me? why?

I hurried to the bathroom passing the couch, the kitchen, the walls. It seemed like i passed a thousand glances of his silhouette. I entered the bathroom and it seemed like the scent of bleach in the toilet resuscitated my heart and saved my life. I wanted to wash myself clean by bathing in manufactured bathroom chemicals.