"was that cathartic? that was cathartic, right?" On a tiny earthy red couch our two naked bodies became stuck in a swirl. We laid uneven, uncomfortable, but perfectly content.
"Umm, i don't know. i guess. you did come a lot." smiles and smirks, giggles and sighs, all intertwined.
"One demon came out, five others got in"
I offered him my tongue. he sucked it and tried to take a bite of it. Uh, uh. He could only swallow it. And at the same time, he was forcing me his. and i was sure to make him struggle. I was too struggling to get mine out of his, and his out of mine. I got confused to know which one was which. Nonetheless, it was a sweet confusion. One of the only few struggles i don't mind.
What a mess my apartment is. Books on their shelves leaned with careless slants, some were even horizontally stacked on top of each other. Cookbooks were shoved in with murder mysteries. I don't know how those books got here. All I know is that they were abandoned and dusty.
CD's were missing from their cases. Some were borrowed from me and never returned. Others were on the floor. I spotted 'ginuwein,' that's not mine. Leila Downs, that's not mine either.
Bright green skinny jeans with two weeks old dirt stains all over them. My dad's batik shirts that i stole from his closet now carrying the smell of mild vinegar.
Trash cans full off unflatenned boxes and left over turkeys, with no liner bag. kitchen counters stained with spills, and---------------------------------------------------
"I didn't think it would be this good, did you?"
"Who knew?"
We remained on that boxy velvety couch that once housed bed bugs and maggots.
Within that small confine, our arms wished to entangle themselves further. Soon enough, the rest of our body parts joined along in this randomly choreographed dance chorus. Fair hairy legs partnered with dark hairless stomach, pimple-scarred back with coffee-stained teeth, a brown flaccid circumcised dick with pink semi-hard uncut cock. They continued to dance without rhythm and switching partners without jealousy until the inevitable breathlessness sunk in. What remained was an abstract, disorderly stacks of bonded body parts. They were not free by any means, but completely happy in their bondage. A bondage that was created without scheme or reason. A bondage that was created out of their own effortless exhaustion. A bondage that, for all they know, were completely natural.
I was in the dark so i opened my eyes. I pushed my head away and looked for a moment into his eyes. I was too afraid. Quickly, i diverted towards his eye brows and then upwards into his hair. Messy, uncontrolled, boyish. Slightly brown with slight waves. Like a birds-eye view of the desert dunes.
Now it was my turn to become the object of his stare. What does he see in my dark tired eyes? In my dark-skinned face full of craters, what does he see?
I saw the bluish coldness outside. I saw the snowy streets and naked trees i must pass so that i could get to the train station. I saw myself waiting and dreading alone for the D line to come take me to work. I saw myself feeling the freezing wind and singing a happy tune in my head while i shiver. I saw myself wishing for the sun to rise like it's supposed to, but it's not gonna because the white mannequin with a suit said that tomorrow is supposed to be gloomy, the high would only be twenty degrees, and the wind chill, negative 10.
But that would be in ten hours, thirty eight minutes, and fifty two seconds. Fifty one, fifty....
Right now i wanna stop time for a while, and go back to where we first started and loop and loop and loop...
"Was that cathartic? that was cathartic, right?"
"umm.... i don't know"
Smiles and smirks. Giggles and sighs. Seasonal gloom and bodily warmth. Internal pain and external structures. Momentary ecstasies and chronic life long sorrows. All intertwining. All imploding.
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